Forever searching for what we were promised...

I'm becoming a sort of cynic in these last few weeks, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Truth be told, I would much rather be optimistic about the world... but lets face it, there isn't much room for that now-a-days. I really don't know what's come over me... but it's like I have so much trouble trusting people now. And damn near NO sympathy for anyone!

However, this will be a sort of bitch session of my own.

I have realized (and I mean truly realized, I already knew these things but ignored them) a lot recently. First off, My parents... Oh what a lovely couple of people. I realize that as the years go by, I respect my parents less and less. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and appreciate the hell out of them! I would be in hell without them both. But, as people... OMG. My mother is an alcoholic, and I worry about her constantly. She's one of those "That couldn't possibly happen to me" and I dread the day I get a phone call where she's either dead or in jail. My father doesn't know a damn thing about me, which would be understandable if we didn't live together (just the two of us, for over a year). Both of my parents are, well... lets just say morally unsound. And I really do not approve... but hey, who am I to say what's right or not :) Some of my friends, scratch that, MOST of my friends are flakes. Which is somewhat understandable... I guess. I am 21 years old, and actually pretty happy with myself at this moment. In that, I feel safe and complete in my life right now. I do however, need to get a job and a place of my own, but that will come in due time. My priority (once again) is school, and I love that. Let's just hope this time a dumb ass boy won't help me to ruin it lol.
While reading one of my books (and I have to say "one of my books" because I read more than one at a time) I read that Everything that has happened in this life is merely a consequence of something you at some point did. While thinking about this, I realized it really is true! This life is merely a game of action and consequence... and yet everyone sits here waiting for the "happily ever after" we were promised to arive. EVERYONE just sits and waits for it to get better. When in reality, by just waiting they are missing their chances. I don't know... maybe I am just being really cynical. I guess, this is just... in a way, my commiting to actually searching and thriving for what I want. Instead of waiting for things to come to me.

Have a great night, and thanks for putting up with bitch sessions :)

~Ashes