shall we stumble through this life tripping and falling, desperately scrambling to get back on our feet. Shall we struggle to keep our heads above water, and in struggling only sink faster. Shall we do this sick back and forth game over and over, and wonder why we are so exhausted. Shall we live this life?
This unknown feeling, this that I'm not able to discribe. Why am I so angry lately? Why do I have so much anxiety. Why am I so back and forth with him. At one moment I'm smiling, absolutely glowing with emotion. The next, I'm so unsure, I almost want to leave. Why do I keep dreaming of the past, or past people coming into my present? Why am I so afraid for that one person to come back, why am I so convinced he can still ruin my life? Why can't I just live... not stress about every little detail. Let things happen without controlling them so much. How do I NOT care?
Why can't I just let myself be happy? Why can't I grow up, get a job... be a real adult? Why can't I be perfect?
I'm finally okay with everything I've lost. With not having those I love, and having to re-start so many times. I don't cry about it anymore...
And then there's him... so much to say about him. Still debating on moving in with him. Or at least that's what I tell myself. "You can always decide no". He's so amazing some days. Yesterday I was so stressed, I was almost in tears, yelling... swearing, hitting shit. He grabbed my face and I couldn't help but smile. It's like the minute he touches me I calm. And when I go without touching him... well, it actually hurts. I can honestly say I crave his arms around me, and his kisses. again, that scares me. So much fear in me... why?
I really REALLY miss my hair. I don't want short hair anymore! Random, I know
anyways... I'm bored... So yeah.
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