well well well... what have we here?

This one will be about (at least) two very different things.

first off.... I would like to write a tribute to my grandmother, but I just don't think I can. There aren't words in existance to describe her. My grandmother was everything a parent should be. Answer any question I had to the best of her ability and being sure to make things overly awkward. Again.... I'm not going to try to write something here. I just want to say thanks for everything Linna, grandma. You were truly someone I looked up to, and I deffinately needed that! I love you, and I'll miss you dearly. I'm glad you are no longer in pain.

Something else I would like to write about, is a very certain someone.
We were together the other night. How strange it was! We were.... US. That goofy, fun, loving, friendship was back. And it was so beautiful! I haven't felt that close to you in so long. You asked me out on a date... like, an actual date! I don't think we've been on a date since the summer after freshman year! You told me about your dream. It freaked me out... a lot! not because of what happened in it, but because it was so simular to mine. I keep asking myself, could this really be happening? and then I tell myself to grow the fuck up and not to get excited. Just another round in our little game....god I hope not! I couldn't believe how real it felt with you. The amount of passion between us scares the hell out of me sometimes, and the amount of love I have for you scares me all the time! Looking into your eyes that night... there are no words. It felt so wonderful to have you back! To be able to tickle you and wrestle while trying to lick eachother's face. To be able to lay on you and listen to your heart beat. The sad thing is... the second you kissed me you had me. And you kissed me as soon as you walked in the door. :) I will still never understand how you make me fall SO completely in love with you. You also told me that you love me more than anything... but I'm betting that was more of heat of the moment type of thing. I'm trying REALLY hard not to dwell on that one. Your dream however is driving me absolutely crazy! We were married, we had a baby... we lived in New Jersey (serisouly... why NJ?) and I've been thinking about it since. You drive me crazy boy. I just hope to god we're ready this time! I must say... everytime we go through this, more and more doubt grows. More and more of that puppy love wears off, and more and more I fall deeply and passionately in love with you. I would say I hate it... but it would be a lie. The only thing I hate, is the time I have to spend puting my feelings back on hold because we decide to not go through with it. I hate our breaks. Not all of them, sometimes I absolutely LOVE being single... but not as much as I love laying in your arms.
GAH! You drive me crazy! and I hate that I have no control of my feelings when it comes to you! Seriously, it doesn't matter how afraid I am to get my heart broken again, or how much I tell myself this is a stupid Idea... I fall for you all over again. I'll never understand it!

Anyways, I suppose I'll wrap this up since it's 2:40am and I have school tomorrow :) JOY!!!!

Good night!

~*ASHES*~